Tuesday 7 November 2006

Bring Back Pirate Bumsex.



I've always been bothered By stories like Cinderella, The Little mermaid and Snow white and the 7 vertically challenged persons and any other story that has a gurl who wants to marry a prince.
I've posted about Disney before with Mickey diddle the kids Mouse and if you can't see the evil of the happiest place on Earth (Disneyworld) then what happened to Bambi's mum will happen to you.

Bambi's mum, I'm sure of it.

Firstly you have these gurls, all pretty with long flowing hair and
a pleasant disposition that gives the impression they are nice gurls, not too bright but nice.
The reason why I say not too bright is because they haven't made anything of themselves all that pot they smoked robbed them of ambition, but they know enough to want to better themselves by marriage before their looks fade so they go all out to fall in love with the first prince they see, these gold diggers are sneaky, that Snow White bird, well why was she called Snow ? who names their kid that? hippies that's who, her hair was as black as coal, probably a hairy gurl too I reckon, shacked up with, Stumpy, Horny, Tugger, Rammer, Pogo, Clappy and Bukkake it wasn't her honour that was white as the ridden snow it was her face after a session with Bukkake and friends , that dirty slag, it would make a great porno vid, I'm sure its been done I will have to look, for the sake of research.

When Ms White was lying there unconscious after eating an apple and is all of a sudden is woke up by a kiss from a prince he falls for it, way to stroke his ego you manipulating bitch, its turkey that makes you sleepy you morons, Apples keep doctors away like a cross to a vampire, who writes this shit, no I write 'this' shit I mean that shit.

Time for the midget gangbang bitch.

I would have tested her level of awareness first , if a dirty old jock having a go at you doesn't wake you then a kiss certainly won't, I guess that's why I'm not a prince, I bet it never occurred to him to look up her skirt, fucking gentlemen, give us all a bad name.


For the troops

That Cinderella only had 6 PHDs which means she is fucking useless, Burger King said fuck off until you have 10 and 2 years experience at flipping burgers then you can have an interview, so she was stuck doing housework, not very good at it either, in the attic where she lived it was crawling with mice and birds making dresses and shit, I'd get a cat if I lived there or get a load of traps but no, dozyrella encourages them, like that film Ben with the rats, next they'll be in the kitchen eating the Ritz crackers. I like Ritz, Ritz makes me smile.
I like Ritz but it makes me toot.

Thankgod for Fairy god mothers, because that gurl was a waste of time, instead of a carriage she should have given her a backbone, no prince is going to come and save you gurl, well except in this case of course and in 'The graduate' but really it doesn't happen, that often.

You should know the story by now she has to leave the Ball by midnight or everything changes back to as they were, the coach back into a pumpkin the coachmen back into mice, you know the deal, what I want to know is, why is the glass slipper that's left behind stays a slipper and not revert, and why don't you see many glass shoes about anymore, it seems they are perfect for dancing in and why didn't she poison her stepmother and sisters years ago?



A present from the Dwarves.

Poor Socrates huh? that Plato wanker wasn't too upset, this has nothing to do with this except for the poisoning, they said, "Socrates you are well
too smart for your own good, go drink some poison", he proved them wrong and was dumb enough to drink some. I get e-mails all the time from bloggers telling me to drink poison, really Foot Eater it gets kind of old after a while .


That little Mermaid, she was a bit of alright, why was she named after a soap power? was Hans Christian Anderson sitting in his kitchen trying to meet a deadline and he saw a box of Ariel and said, "yup good enough, its only for kids anyway", she could of very well been called Daz or Persil .




Another Disney abortion is what they did to the bad name that Pirates have, yeah yeah Johnny Depp is so cute the man is about 60 but looks 35 and is now a teen idol, the mothers had him for a teen idol too, all very incestuous but good for Mr Depp I am thinking, he only has eyes for that Joe la Taxi gurl and her dirty frog ways, anyway, getting captured by pirates used to mean brutal anal rape and once you're full of seamen chopped up and fed to the sharks, now it means a good old fun packed romp for all the family.


Yo ho ho and a tube of lube, Yarr! I'll be wantin your bumsex, me hearties.

15 comments:

GG said...

you're sounding a bit horny today, old man.

your points are all too true. that's why buffy was a kick arse superhero for the girls.

Anonymous said...

I'm still reeling from the news that there was no Seaman Staines, Roger The Cabin Boy, or Master Bates in kiddie classic Captian Pugwash.
There was, however, a Master Mates, which is close enough to shave with in my book.

And that Johnny Depp? He looks enough like a lass as makes no odds. Have him greased and sent up to my room …

Arrr, shiver me timbers, etc …

Anonymous said...

Dive-"have him greased and sent up to my room?" !?! I'm shocked.

I loved every one of those Disney "classics" when I was a kid, except for The Little Mermaid which wasn't released until I was 20 something. But when I was 20 something it finally ocurred to me what a rotten role model all of those weak helpless women were. It was a different era, I guess. A sign of the times. But still, the talking mice in Cinderella--them, I love.

Unknown said...

Rather thought provoking, it is. Yes, the question is; Where did all the dirty pirates go? I've not had a good time since!

Fat Sparrow said...

I hated all those Disney "princess" movies when I was a kid.

"Star Wars" came out when I was 7, and Princess Leia was the shit. Plain brown hair, average-looking, rude, sarcastic, and handing men their balls on a plate; I had found my role model. Plus, she gets Han Solo. I traded my hand-me down Barbies for Star Wars toys and never looked back.

Anonymous said...

Sigh... Johnny Depp forever. From 21 Jump Street to now. It's the only Disney production I'll watch. They've ruined the fairy tales, but they can hardly ruin a movie based on an amusement park ride.

Anonymous said...

Oh, they ruined The Haunted Mansion pretty well. Yikes, what a dog that was. I saw that while on a Disney cruise, and even then it was crap.

What's Eating Gilbert Grape will always be my favorite.

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, that was an amazing one. Chocolat, however, is my favorite Depp candy movie (pun intended).

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I forgot he was in Chocolat--a pirate even, or was it a gypsy? Or is there much of a difference. Yum (pun intended).

Anonymous said...

They're all evil all of those fairy tale movies and stories. When you take a good look at them. They are really twisted. I think there is something sublime about all of it! ;)

Anonymous said...

The fairy tales are sick and twisted (and therefore delightful). Unfortunately they get watered down in the movie versions.

Old Knudsen said...

Gaijin Girl Its the Ritz crackers, they always get me going.

Dive Johnny would make a fine cabin boy, a real purdy mouth.

robyn Disney is one of the many evils that America has accepted but like meth it just makes you feel so good.

babsbitchin They've all gotten older and work on cruise ships, modern pirates are Somalis with rocket launchers.

fat sparrow That explains alot, but even Leia gave into convention and is now a mother of 8 kids, after her divorce from Han everyone made fun of her last name and she ended up marrying Luke as they have so much in common, now shes a blogger, don't bother going there its a blog about pottery:::yawn:::

sassy sundry from being a quirky independant movie star hes now sold his soul for Disney formula crap, but who cares? hes pretty.

Mr Eater its a real boob alright, still you wouldn't say no.

robyn again pirates steal the virginity from yer bunghole, Gypsies steal yer washing, bike and the eyes out of your head, a dirty people.

rich go back far enough and all the fairy tales/bible stories whatever you want to call them had more balls are totally about something else, they were the movies of that day, now they are cartoons with talking animals as commedy sidekicks.

sassy sundry again changing religions changing times change the stories, history is written by Victor, go see him.

Anonymous said...

Pretty, pretty, pretty. I'll check out Victor.

Taihae said...

what they dont say is prince charming lost his boner when she woke up, the dudes a necrophiliac, makes her sit in a tub of ice to bone her now.

Old Knudsen said...

Why is necrophilia against the law in some of your states of America? don't dead people have the right to a sex life also?
We've been doing it in Britain for years now, its called marriage.