Old Knudsen writes the way he wants to but due to the tremendous rise in popularity in the colonies I now have to explain some of the words and phrases I use, so try to keep up, there will be a test later, I know what these words mean in American, heres what they really mean to the civilized world.
Firstly Bitter Balls, nothing to do with my nads, it denotes a person that will keep a grudge or hatred fresh and alive as if it just happened yesterday.
'Catch yourself on' and 'wise up' both mean don't be so stupid.
'Go for your tea' = to fall over, I was walking down the street and I went for my tea.
'Drinking as in Drunk' its always about alcohol, alcohol is life.
'Hit and Miss' = piss
'Taking the piss/taking the Mickey' = to make fun of someone or taking something too far.
I took the piss out of my friend for saying something stupid.
One hour before finishing work my boss gave me a load of extra work, that was really taking the piss.
Piss = urine, ' I pissed' is past tense.
Piss take = to make fun off
I was pissed = I was drunk
I was pissed off = I was angry
Being pissed = still means drunk my friend
On the piss = out on the town drinking, out on the tear.
Pisshead = a useless person
Fanny = vagina, blurt or Cunt
Fanny pad = what women wear in their knickers on their period or when the painters are in, or during ragweek or when they get a visitor from America.
Fanny pack = means beat me up I'm a tourist, its called a bum bag.
Gunties = knickers
A full stop = what Yanks call a period in punctuation.
Old Knudsen thinks punctuation is for the weak.
Lad/todger = penis
Chips = french fries
Crisps = chips
Braces = suspenders or the things that people with goofy teeth put onto their teeth to straighten them, a retainer is a servant.
Suspenders = part of sexy lingerie
Trousers = pants
Pants = knickers
Jumper = sweater
Football = soccer
American football = a gay American version of Rugby for players afraid to get hurt.
Petrol = gas
Gas = what makes you fart
Gift = someone that is easily fooled or very gullible.
Now for the test.
#1 Martha Stewart was the wife of A. George Washington or B. James Stewart?.
#2 On the TV show Captain Pugwash there was a character called Roger the cabin boy, true or false?.
#3 What is your Bank account number?.
#4 Spotted dick effects which part of the body?.
#5 What is your social security number?.
#6 In what year was the War of 1812 fought?.
#7 Cheese is to cheese grater as my penis is to what?.
#8 Will these questions ever stop?.
#9 Where has the love gone?.
#10 Name the state to the south of North Dakota.
Friday 20 October 2006
The Queen's English.
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7 comments:
This has been helpful. So what's the word for what we in the States might call a restroom? I was in Blackpool a few years ago and asked for directions to a restroom and was practically shunned. I knew it was right, but toilet seemed so harsh.
So, like, my dog knickers when he's been running, and an athlete who throws himself over a horizontal bar is a sweater? Jeez, you Limeys are like so totally weird, man.
Never mind all that; did Wanker's tail always look like a string of sausage links, or is he under the weather? Please don't tell me that it's a guppy-like string of shit, either.
robyn A restroom? try a spa, those soft English in Blackpool would of understood bathroom though there is no bath to be had, most people go to use the toilet or the loo so no need to fool them they may suspect a dump is whats needed.
Mr Eater you could find a loop hole in a bucket of shit. I didn't mention that a jumper is a dress, or how they bust caps in your donkey (ass) with their nine or their Gat, a silly people indeed.
fat Sparrow are you the famous fat sparrow thats featured on Emerald Bile? well done lass, just don't forget us little people, Wanker has the mange, I may have to neck him.
She can't be the Fat Sparrow who is featured on Emerald Bile, no-one is featured there apart from bukkake loving whores.
That last comment was very rude. If it were on my blog I'd delete it for its cowardliness.
I'm intrigued that you call it a 'Gat', Mr Knudsen. I've always assumed that was a peculiarly South African expression. That's the English-speaking South African term for gun, not to be confused with the Afrikaans word gat meaning hole.
I think that old knudsen may have commented once or twice on Emerald Bile, thats unless someone else helped him do some more,don't worry Mr Eater I will remain with you down here in the gutter.
I heard some of that ya ya ya music you know the sort that 50p and snip doggy aggressively chant and mumble, and they used the term gat, they all think they are from Africa so it fits, I think that kind of music is a real Boer.
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